I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
