went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
