why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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