I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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