He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
