She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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