Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
