In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
