I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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