Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
