I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will pee on everything he values.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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