OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This toilet bowl is my home.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
