She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
