my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
