I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
