Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Pooping to opera.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
