I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize