ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm really busy with my period
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