Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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