I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
