you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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