Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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