I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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