he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
