My first STD was from a foam party
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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