Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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