So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
