I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
