I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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