Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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