I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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