New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
