I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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