I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
