When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
