He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
