just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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