On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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