U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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