don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Green mimosas i think yes
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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