Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
