do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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