I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she woke up with a sticky ear
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize
