i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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