Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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