so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize