i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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