I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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