Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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