I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
