advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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