a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
