He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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