I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
