i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
