maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
