I'm lost and stupid without you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize