she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
And then he peed in my hair
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