i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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