Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
