I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
