you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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