The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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