Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
