I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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