You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
