I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
