I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
