I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
