What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
