i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
