I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
