you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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