Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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