Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well you can't waste a boner
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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