My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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