where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Duck Duck Cougar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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