The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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