Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
