I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
